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Typically, by this time of the year, many of us have given up on those shiny new goals we made a couple of months back. Thoughts fall along the lines of:
· What is my problem?
· Why am I not able to do this?
· This is never going to happen.
· What was I thinking?
I get it. I've been there and have several commemorative t-shirts! Quite often we give up because we lack the understanding of how large of a role our unconscious minds play in achieving our goals. If you are still determined to achieve your goals, which I hope you are, it may only take a few simple tweaks to get you back on track.
What do you want exactly?
Put that original goal under the microscope. Is it as solid of a goal as it could be? Does it have a tangible outcome? Can it be measured? Are there specific steps you would take? “I want to be happy” is not a solid goal. It sounds nice but it is subjective. Your mind is always searching for more so how will you know you reached the endpoint of happiness? Is there one? If a picture popped into your mind when you read “endpoint of happiness” what was it? Could that be the more defined goal?
For me, happiness brings up an image of living by the beach. The more defined goal in my scenario would be “I want to own a home by the beach”. Owning a house has a tangible outcome, a way to measure success, and clear steps needed to succeed. It gives my mind a concrete place to go. Re-evaluate your goal; break it down until you have a more defined ending point.
How is it worded?
State the goal in the positive. According to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), our unconscious mind does not process negatives. If I say "don't think of a green leprechaun" you will automatically think of one, you may quickly try to cover that up by switching to a blue hippo, but the picture came up, nonetheless. Our unconscious mind will automatically create the image first and then try to negate it or cover it up. It's crucial to speak in positive terms such as "I want to speak with confidence in meetings" as opposed to "I don't want to feel intimidated in meetings." The positive statements draw your unconscious attention toward speaking with confidence whereas the negative statement draws your mind towards feeling intimidated.
Why do you want it?
Ask yourself if achieving this goal is in alignment with your core values and beliefs. What could this goal gain for you or allow you to do? Is that in alignment with who you are? Our unconscious mind's job is to protect and preserve us. If your goals are not in alignment with your authentic self, unconsciously you may be sabotaging your efforts.
I have learned that my goal of “I want to lose 10 lbs to look better” never seemed to work for me. After many attempts and some deeper reflection, I came to realize that my unconscious mind's job is to preserve me, so it doesn’t want to “lose” anything. Also, the motivation to look better wasn’t in alignment with my core values. I came to reframe the goal to “I want to exercise for 30 minutes, 5 days a week to stay healthy”. This goal gives my unconscious mind a positive gain to attach to (exercise) and it is in better alignment with my core values (being healthy). This has proven to be a goal I have been able to maintain.
What does it look like?
Reinforce how you'll know you achieved the goal. Get a very clear, alive picture of what that will look like. Where will you be specifically? What will you be doing? What will you see? What will you hear? What will you feel? What will the impact be on your life? On others' lives? What will be different? The more often you visualize the result, the more your unconscious mind will be moving toward it.
How will you get it?
Take an honest evaluation of what resources (qualities, experiences, skills, etc.) you have already that can support you in achieving the goal. What is something similar that you've succeeded in doing? List all these things, also noting what resources you are currently lacking. Reach out for help when necessary.
Will you own it?
Are you willing to take 100% responsibility for achieving your goal? Ask yourself these questions:
· What is most important to you about achieving this goal? (your motivation)
· Is it possible for you? (your belief – if you find a limiting belief arises– seek support to reframe)
· Are you capable of achieving this goal? (your skills – either those you already have or will learn)
· Are you worthy of achieving this goal? (your belief - must believe you deserve the goal; if you don’t, seek support to reframe)
You are the only one who can achieve your goals. Bringing awareness to how your unconscious mind is either helping or hindering you can give you the added boost you need. Since you are in charge, permit yourself to tweak any part at any time along the way. If you need support, reach out for a free 30-minute session to see how Life Coaching can benefit you.
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