Fine to not be Fine!

I’m not sure if there’s any phrase more fake than “I’m fine”. We throw that phrase around without any thought. It’s our go-to answer when casually asked how we are doing by strangers and friends alike. When we do allow ourselves to open-up, to disclose some happenings in our life; this uninvited pressure to shut it down quickly weighs on us resulting in the all too familiar ‘BUT it’s fine’ response. Why? Oh, for the love, why????

I recently called out my friend on this. She was sharing some heavy stuff happening in her life and she kept saying “but it’s fine” throughout the conversation. Her body language, her tone of voice and the bags under her eyes all screamed to me “It’s not fine!!!” yet that pressure got to her. I had to interrupt her at one point exclaiming “You know that it’s okay to not be fine!”. My declaration took her by surprise for a second but then she exhaled deeply and thanked me for the reminder!

We all need that reminder! Life is crazy. Life does not always go as we hope. Life doesn’t always play by our rules. Life can not always be controlled. Life is hard at times, like ridiculously hard!! Life is not always fine. And it’s not supposed to be! How can we truly treasure the good without tasting the bad? There’s room at the table of our lives for ‘not fine’ but it’s not a permanent seat! Too often we keep pushing ‘not fine’ back into the chair long after it’s due to leave! We need to feel the ‘not fines’ of our lives. We need to acknowledge them, looking intently at them. We need to process them, grieve them, learn from them, and finally release them!

What have you been holding at the table of your life as “it’s fine”? Will you take time today to acknowledge that it’s not actually fine? What needs to change? Where do you need support surrounding this? Reach out to someone who can be trusted to help support you in releasing this from your life. It’s fine to not be fine; in fact it’s freeing!!